Oct 092013

Another Gray Hair

Canada Goose Jackets Did you read the entire Twilight series in less than one week? How about Hunger Games? Did you tear through that like a zombie through living flesh? (Forgive me. I’ve recently started watching Walking Dead and zombies seem to hold a prominent place in my metaphor catalog right now). Canada Goose Jackets

canada goose clearance If you, like me, enjoy popular YA series but are ashamed to admit it, then you will find a home in my book club, a safe place to read books that are clearly bad, devour them in secret, savoring every word, and then tear them apart to make ourselves feel better about canada goose outlet authentic enjoying them so much. Sound good? I thought so. canada goose clearance

Since the Hunger Games really are awesome and I can admit that without feeling an ounce of shame and Twilight is, well, so last year, I decided to go for a current book in the Young Adult genre. I did a little research and ordered on Amazon, a highly rated, bestselling YA book.

I finished it in less than 48 hours because it hooked me from the start with its smart characters and clever dialogue. It was great in a way that made it impossible to make fun of. I was crushed. Who are these smart young adult readers and where were they when I was a young adult? Prior to reading it, I knew nothing about John Green and his Nerdfighters. Now I am a die hard fan. Who couldn’t love a guy who said this:

canada goose clearance sale “Saying ‘I notice you’re a nerd’ is like saying, ‘Hey, I notice that you’d rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you’d rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things canada goose outlet niagara falls that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?’ In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even ‘lame’ is kind canada goose outlet hong kong of lame. Saying ‘You’re lame’ is canada goose outlet store toronto like saying ‘You walk with a limp.’ Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he’s done all right for himself.” John Green canada goose clearance sale

If my children identify as nerds when they are teenagers, then I have succeeded as a parent. Give me a mathlete or a band geek over a jock or a cheerleader any day. Nerds become far more interesting adults.

canada goose Suffice it to say, YA is out. Tragic. canada goose

Canada Goose online I thought about doing romance books, a genre official canada goose outlet that is overflowing with terrible literature, but 30 seconds in the romance aisle at my local library made me ashamed to be alive. I just can’t read a book in which there is a character with the word “Lady” before her name unless it is a Jane Austen book and, trust me, Jane Austen had no place on these shelves. Canada Goose online

And then yesterday, a friend told me about a popular new, semi dirty book series that moms are flocking to like zombies to farm animals. About thirty minutes later, as fate would have it, I came across. Fifty Shades of Grey looks promising, does it not? Ladies and gentlemen, I think we may have a winner! Anyone care to join me on the Trashy Book Express?

When you have to pee, do you run around in circles screaming, “I have to go potty! I have to go potty!” frantically? Yeah, me neither. Harper does though. Every time. Lucky for her, she inherited my bladder, which, as anyone who knows me can tell you, means she does a lot of peeing and a lot canada goose outlet in uk of running in circles.

Canada Goose Parka Here’s how it goes. She gets the urge to pee. It comes on quick. She canada goose outlet paypal jumps up from wherever she might be and proclaims in a frantic tone, “I have to go potty!” Then, the running commences. Our house is 70 years old and, as such, closet space is non existent. Given my husband’s hoarding tendencies and my penchant towards becoming overwhelmed at the slightest amount of clutter (we’re a match made in heaven, can’t you see?), we’ve had to improvise where storage is concerned. As such, our linen “closet” is actually a hallway that connects the bedroom hallway to the kitchen. The interior wall of the living room backs up to this hallway and serves as Harper’s I’ve got to go potty running route. She runs at a canada goose outlet legit dead sprint with a stiff back over and over again, her frantic proclamations getting quicker as her feet move faster. She doesn’t ask for help. She just keeps running. It’s bizarre. Canada Goose Parka

Canada Goose sale are two reasons that the running stops. Canada Goose sale

canada goose deals canada goose outlet toronto factory She pees in her pants. canada goose deals

buy canada goose jacket cheap Someone escorts her to the bathroom. buy canada goose jacket cheap

canada goose black friday sale we prefer option B but I’m not big on escorting anyone to the bathroom, especially someone who goes as frequently as myself. The toilet and me, we’re intimately acquainted and I see no reason to spend any more time with it than I already do. Plus, I tend to draw a hard line when it comes to issues like this. I view escorting my https://www.canadagoose-coats.ca child to the bathroom every time she has to go as a form of coddling. And I’m not a fan of coddling. Suffice it to say I’ve cleaned up my fair share of pee puddles lately. canada goose black friday sale

canadian goose jacket my ultimate goal is to end this insanity, I have found myself wondering if Harper might be onto something. Every day I am faced with the image of the canada goose outlet toronto location muscular legs of a woman as she pounds the pavement and the words, “Run a 5K” on my 2012 dream board. Despite my mediocre efforts, it hasn’t happened yet. I wonder, if I did a few laps every time I had to pee (once an hour at minimum), how much closer to that goal would I be?Today I took my ginormous wad of Girl Scout cookie cash (nearly $2000 in primarily one’s and five’s) to an older bank on the square of my small town. My companion, as usual, was the newly 2 year old Hazard County (3). We ran into the bank in the pouring rain and took advantage of the old school booths available for customers to use to count money, make out, etc I closed the door of the booth, sat down in a chair and commenced counting my wad o cash. Hazard County felt right at home in the confined space. She climbed onto the chair, pulled herself up on the desk and lay down on her back, spread eagle and waited. I was distracted by all of the green but I said, “What are you doing?” canadian goose jacket

buy canada goose jacket She pointed at her crotch and said, “Poo poo” with canada goose jacket outlet a smile. canada goose outlet online reviews She expected me to change her diaper. I looked around: small room, empty table attached to the wall. Yep, it resembled a changing area in any public restroom. I had to laugh. Hazard County and her happy go lucky assumptions about the things Canada Goose Outlet of this world always make me smile. I canada goose outlet vancouver had to squelch the urge to actually change her diaper in that small room with the all too convenient privacy door. It was comfortable, clean and there were chairs. CHAIRS! Maybe Hazard County is onto something. buy canada goose jacket

Canada Goose Outlet Memo to America: Attach your public restroom changing tables about 2 feet down on the wall and stick a chair in front of them. What mom, enduring the torture of changing a diaper in a public restroom, would not appreciate the opportunity for a short rest of her legs in a chair? Canada Goose Outlet

canada goose coats Yesterday my youngest peed in the potty for the first time. She went twice. The first time she showed me immediately. The whole family commenced to acting like circus freaks: dancing, clapping, smiling and screaming. It was a scene straight out of Mardi Gras, minus the boobs and the cocktails. Cocktails would have been nice though and I’m certain they would have improved my dancing skills but, alas, that is neither here nor there. She peed, we behaved like lunatics. We flushed, clapped, washed our hands, distributed a lone skittle to the potty trainee and waited for round two. canada goose coats

canada goose coats on sale Not one to sit and twiddle my thumbs, I decided to multi task. I put the potty in front of the bathroom door, sat Hazard County (that’s 3’s nickname) on it and filled canada goose parka outlet the bathtub with suds and warm water. canada goose outlet las vegas Hazard Country remained a fixture on the pot while the canada goose outlet buffalo older two got their baths. We played a short game of volley diaper, a genius activity that involves volleying a balled up, dry on the outside and taped securely shut wet diaper back and forth until said diaper hits the floor. The kids canada goose outlet belgium think it is the Best. Game. Ever. Judge away. Given the choice between a ball and a waded up diaper, my kids will always go canada goose outlet in montreal with the latter. Much like a fart joke, there is something hilariously taboo about it. canada goose coats on sale

Diaper Volley must have gotten pretty intense because we all forgot about Hazard County canada goose outlet store calgary and round two. Snapped back to reality by the scene out of the corner of my eye and my daughter’s scream, “Look at Hazard County!”, I turned to see 3 crouched over the potty, both hands immersed in a good size puddle of pee. Right next to her was a small plastic container full of rubber hair bands, which she was adding, one by one, to the potty basin and pushing them around in her puddle. She was smiling, clearly proud.

There was a time in my life when this scene would have sent me running for the hills and vomiting in my mouth. Those days are a distant memory. Hazard County has taught me a lot about sweating the small stuff and, believe it or not, pushing mini rubber bands around in a puddle of pee qualifies as small stuff. A simple hand washing and flush of the toilet is all it takes to clean up that mess and, even though she may have some misgivings about what to do after she pees, 3 did pee and that, my friends, is something to celebrate. Oh blah dee, oh blah dah.

Inspired by a recent blog by Rachel Held Evans, I have decided to write about a controversial subject that I am passionate about. Prepare yourself. It canada goose outlet mall might just start another Mommy war.

canada goose store Here is an ode to my recently acquired, not so gently canada goose outlet location used Honda Odyssey. I hate it with a passion that defies measurement and can only be expressed in a poorly written, pseudo Old English “poem”. Enjoy: canada goose store

Oh Odyssey, Odyssey. How I deplore thee, Odyssey

cheap Canada Goose How I loathe thy doors that cannot be forced open or shut and therefore require a performance worthy of Ringling Brothers on cold mornings when frost renders ye doors un openable and I still must get three younglings in their seats cheap Canada Goose.

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